Is loss never temporal?

In retrospect, I've been a lone vehicle treading on a highway of highs and lows.These are characterised by the bumps along the roads and the flat portions that make the ride smooth.

For the highs I can now only relish through reminiscing, as it has been a constant series of lows from then till now that I've been on the road with.

No offence intended to whoever is mentioned here later.( I've decided to state the names of the parties concerned for the benefit of those who are not wholly involved in the matter as I believe it will add a dimension of realism to the part I'm going to talk about.)

I was labouring to get to sleep a few nights ago when a null,cold and void emptiness started to creep within me.For the umpteenth time, I feel lonely and deserted.Despite all the number of friends I have,this feeling never eludes me.It set me pondering...real deep.

Not that I am cynical,but I actually find my current friends shallow and superficial,GENERALLY.Of course it is undeniable that there are certain friends who are indeed as sincere and candid as they look and sound and behave.I'm particularly referring to my classmates or schoolmates,or any other people I've befriended with at this stage in my life.I am particularly convinced it is not just a delusive or bitter,scornful and parochial take at the world i'm living in, but rather that perhaps the dynamics of things and people have essentially changed as the times change.

Back to my point.For instance,my classmates are surely,mainly classmates.All we discuss about is schoolwork,CCA and school activities or class chalets/outings at the most,with occasional small talks about the things we've done during a particular weekend.Maybe it is just typical of JC life,what with all the emphasis on studies and grades,and the perception that you've only got 2 years of life with each other.What can one make out of a friendship in 2 years,you may ask?People speak to you only when they feel a need to.Either to break the monotony of the day through dialogue and some kinds of un-appreciated humour that leaves one baffling or irritated at having heard an extreme moronic effusion from someone of a supposed intellectual standing,or to simply ask "WHEN/WHAT IS THE HOMEWORK (DUE)?WHEN IS THE TEST?WHAT ARE WE TESTED ON?"

One question that always pops up in my mind is," IS THIS ALL YOU'VE GOT TO SAY?"

At times,it can get to the point of ad nausea or culminates in distinct resentment and frustration.When a classmate converses with you only for the sake of MAKING USE of you to HELP HER SOLVE A MATHS PROBLEM or TO CLARIFY CERTAIN CONCEPTS IN ECONOMICS.And when it comes to subjects you are not as deft in,she EVADES YOU AS YOU ARE NOT NEEDED AND SHE FEARS YOU WILL EXPLOIT HER KNOWLEDGE of those subjects.Isn't it just insane?Do I serve to be a mere tool of reference for you?For such people,please.GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!

You now know what I mean by hypocrites.The above belongs to this category.However,I must acknowledge that there are another class of people who are not as contemptuous and despicable.These are the people who attempts to be nice where possible and befriend you at a superficial level.Beyond this level of intimacy (not physical,but emotional as needed in all relationships,friendships included) ,they are unwilling to befriend you.This is especially true of classmates who seem to get along well with you,but at a bond which leaves you confounded.Or schoolmates whom you say HELLO! to and BYE! the next minute.Or any other friends sharing similar scenarios.These friends exist in abundance,and in my opinion,can only dish up QUANTITY on my SACRED BOWL but not QUALITY.They offer nothing more than that.

The next I'm going to talk about are REAL friends, in FLESH,in SPIRIT,in BLOOD.I know I sound scary and crude,but that's the way it is,to be explicit.The connnection is indescribable but heartfelt.They are tangible beings which provide you an intangible feeling.Of security,comfort,concern,love,care,amidst multitudes of other offerings.They are MANY IN ONE persons.Multi-dimensional and true to you,you know that.They are your bolsters of support when you need them,better than your average operational-ready NSmen.The friendship is enough to placate your desire for a companion and fill the emptiness in your being.THEY ARE A PERSON'S BEST ASSETS,with a value that surpasses any INVALUABLE item one can ever possess.

You can then imagine what the meaning behind the loss of my best of friends ever in my life posed to me.And the streams of tears that characterised my facial features whenever I'm reminded of the fond memories we once shared,but I will always cherish.Jian Hao and Kin Seng are the 2 that I've lost.For the former,I've regained him as a friend,but things aren't the way they were before.I've always hated misunderstandings,and all the more they seemed more attached to me.It is generally misunderstandings that made me suffer the losses that can never be recouped.Even till now,as I reflect in my thoughts,I regret the parts I've had to play for the mistakes,and weep silently for a return of my best pals to me.But I can only go so far as to hope,for once the dynamics of a relationship change,they do not easily alter back to its original state...I HOPE FOR MY BEST FRIENDS to BE MY BEST FRIENDS,ALWAYS.I've had enough of the rest of them,those hypocrites and superficial ones.What matters to me are those who can live up to be my true friends.

At present,there're only 2 people who can...but the CHANCES?WHAT ARE THEY?I KNOW NOT.............................................................