GueSS aLL's LOsT..
Life = Losses. Sunken. Swollen. When you live, you lose.Many things.This struck home more apt than ever today. My family is in ruins,and there are many entangled relationships that affect me deeply.Immature adults,insensible brothers and outrageous life.Devoid of compassion,love,empathy and apathy.I am FED UP!!!
I really can't stand life as it is going now.I see nowhere.Nothing coming out of these mess.I see no future.Given a chance,I will leave here.But I can't part with my mother.However staying on here in this family would bring along an avalanche of problems which are depressing.Imagine facing a mother shouting and screaming day in and day out everytime she's at home.Most of the time,she just hogs the phone and becomes upset with that bloody apparition causing her to lose her cool.Mainly,she would spend most of her time out playing mahjong,and my younger brother would be out playing lan games and my elder brother who is adept at lavish spending,is in camp.No one would be at home.I lead a solitary life.With only a single voice to tell of a single soul.
Sometimes I wonder how I hung on to life.But I did.Time and again obstacles pitted itself right on my path.I always looked to the other side for rays of light in hope,but soon realised it was but a false facade to shake off the feeble and weakened self.Lousy attempts.I beared with shame,torture,awkwardness,embarrassment,anything.What good came out of it?Nothing.
Perhaps Life is just a tragedy.It may be meant to be a tragedy.All that were once possessed will leave you one by one, only to let you know that you had it once before.It was much more cruel that way,for people would have realised the ultimate anguish upon the loss.I lost my best friend in secondary 2 due to a dumb misunderstanding,only to gain another important friend which played a key role in my life later.Soon after,I lost him as I shifted house too.I can't help it can I ? It was NEVER my idea to shift house,but what can I do?We are always faced with difficult and hypocritical relatives (Whom we live with) and are forced to be on the move. It was rather saddening not because of the diluting of the before-concentrated friendship,but how the proposed solid friendship ended up in woebegone state merely due to the increasing of distances apart from one another.How apt...Something's lost when something's gained...and about how "friendship can withstand the test of time"..perhaps,perhaps not,I can't say for sure...but apparently with all that had happened to me,this had never held true.
I went and helped Jeremy today.And saw them through till their last paper.Am glad for them.Time flies.It won't be long before I forget most of them again...Memory does fade with time...as for me,mine fades when that person's remembrance of me fades...
I went home early after they went into the hall.Spent the whole day alone till night-time(as always).Nothing much to say about being alone at home except for having yourself in a depressed state(for having to face it everytime).At night,my mum called me out to watch The Exorcist.I hate to watch shows with her as she always suggest things when I am not free or not in the mood to do so...and when I do approach her when I'm alright,she will simply shoo me aside or give me an empty promise...Anyway as per normal,she fell asleep during the show.I watched it throughout and it was just average.No comments...
Am home now and deciding which jc I shall enter for 1st 3 months.The briefing is just tomorrow.Time is running out.Guys,if you have any recommendations,please tell me!! I really do not want to regret my choice as in my secondary school anymore...Please do provide advice on which jc to go...thanks! And by the way,to make a more informed choice and to have a rough idea so as to help give me advice,my L1R5 for prelims is 10...Thanks!!
I really can't stand life as it is going now.I see nowhere.Nothing coming out of these mess.I see no future.Given a chance,I will leave here.But I can't part with my mother.However staying on here in this family would bring along an avalanche of problems which are depressing.Imagine facing a mother shouting and screaming day in and day out everytime she's at home.Most of the time,she just hogs the phone and becomes upset with that bloody apparition causing her to lose her cool.Mainly,she would spend most of her time out playing mahjong,and my younger brother would be out playing lan games and my elder brother who is adept at lavish spending,is in camp.No one would be at home.I lead a solitary life.With only a single voice to tell of a single soul.
Sometimes I wonder how I hung on to life.But I did.Time and again obstacles pitted itself right on my path.I always looked to the other side for rays of light in hope,but soon realised it was but a false facade to shake off the feeble and weakened self.Lousy attempts.I beared with shame,torture,awkwardness,embarrassment,anything.What good came out of it?Nothing.
Perhaps Life is just a tragedy.It may be meant to be a tragedy.All that were once possessed will leave you one by one, only to let you know that you had it once before.It was much more cruel that way,for people would have realised the ultimate anguish upon the loss.I lost my best friend in secondary 2 due to a dumb misunderstanding,only to gain another important friend which played a key role in my life later.Soon after,I lost him as I shifted house too.I can't help it can I ? It was NEVER my idea to shift house,but what can I do?We are always faced with difficult and hypocritical relatives (Whom we live with) and are forced to be on the move. It was rather saddening not because of the diluting of the before-concentrated friendship,but how the proposed solid friendship ended up in woebegone state merely due to the increasing of distances apart from one another.How apt...Something's lost when something's gained...and about how "friendship can withstand the test of time"..perhaps,perhaps not,I can't say for sure...but apparently with all that had happened to me,this had never held true.
I went and helped Jeremy today.And saw them through till their last paper.Am glad for them.Time flies.It won't be long before I forget most of them again...Memory does fade with time...as for me,mine fades when that person's remembrance of me fades...
I went home early after they went into the hall.Spent the whole day alone till night-time(as always).Nothing much to say about being alone at home except for having yourself in a depressed state(for having to face it everytime).At night,my mum called me out to watch The Exorcist.I hate to watch shows with her as she always suggest things when I am not free or not in the mood to do so...and when I do approach her when I'm alright,she will simply shoo me aside or give me an empty promise...Anyway as per normal,she fell asleep during the show.I watched it throughout and it was just average.No comments...
Am home now and deciding which jc I shall enter for 1st 3 months.The briefing is just tomorrow.Time is running out.Guys,if you have any recommendations,please tell me!! I really do not want to regret my choice as in my secondary school anymore...Please do provide advice on which jc to go...thanks! And by the way,to make a more informed choice and to have a rough idea so as to help give me advice,my L1R5 for prelims is 10...Thanks!!
posted by ~LeE~ @ 11:49 PM
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