RecoVerY

Some people ought to be taught a lesson,or lessons,where applicable.I witnessed yet again human treachery at play today.It made me relish the simplicity and tranquility of life before.Innocence.Pure.Not now.Now,everywhere's stained.By people.They made me see through life in the most cruel and direct way possible.So much so that I have come to agree no lesser that Ignorance Is BLISS.


Foul mood when I woke up today.Upsetted my mother and am really very sorry about it.She insisted I follow her elsewhere with an adult whose attitude really puts one off,hence I insistently declined.To the extent of putting on a PISSED off ToNE.Mum,I'm really sorry.No idea why,but these few days people have made me feel down time and again.I have realised that they are not truthful to me,making use of me.My so-called friends.Whom I trusted.


Again,I stayed home.Went online and downloaded some games and browsed through other blogs.My mum went out and called me about 5pm.She had wanted to help me buy my stuff,like shaver and cream etc.But she realised that she didn't know which I wanted.Therefore I went to meet her at Toa Payoh Central's NTUC.I chose a nice-smelling hair wax,bought a new comb,and decided upon a Gilette M something shaver(the one with the David Beckham endorsement on it).Also had a Gilette cream for shaving.After which,I chose a perfume I have never seen nor used before...haha.Experiment first...my mum told me.If it's not up to par,then I will try others as there are no testing reagents provided.


My mum held my hand like when I was a kid.I had wanted to retaliate as would a typical teenager who doesn't want to be seen "embarrassed" in such situations.At that instant,it struck a chord in me that I HAVE TO CHERISH THE LITTLE TIME I HAVE left with my mother.I don't wish to regret it,nor do I wish to live to not be able of remembering the feeling of having my mum's warmth enclosing me in that able hand.A hand which single-handedly brought the three of us up.Me,my brothers.I must cherish my mum.I must!I get butterflies in the stomach whenever she talks about how sooner or later her cancer cells will act up and snatch her away from our very clutches.I never ever want to have to think of that moment.NEVER.


Well,mum then accompanied me to eat.She had not taken lunch then but she didn't eat much except for a tuna sandwich.She took me to try the Katong Laksa,and I mean the authentic one...not some you find in Pasar Malams claiming to be similar.Gracious,I have to tell you,both are worlds apart!! THere is an absolute huge disparity!! The real KATONG LAKSA was simply HEAVENLICIOUS!!I was reminded once more of the play Oliver Twist,and the line FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD! returned to hit me once more.$3...not much in quantity but makes up in terms of quality.Mum ate only the sandwich as she would start throwing up if she ate more.Ever since her recent eye operation which left her left eye bleeding non-stop,she has been feeling sick.Yesterday,she was buying brunch for us as we were still sleeping,when she suddenly threw up a lot when she ate nothing practically the whole morning and noon.Saw a doctor (had to wait for 2 hours) and he said that she had overworked herself.Doctor in TTSH had previously told her to sleep a full 2 weeks most of the time.Just hope she's fine...


I decided to have a makeover somehow.Buying all those stuff.I need justice.After all these years.Not too sure when to start.Where to start from.Haiz,guessed I have to contend with no one.But myself.I care nothing more about hope for a relationship nor a so-called TRUE friendship now that evil is presiding everywhere.Each for himself.Who cares more?I will wait,till someone shows me the light.And the way.Out.

unMaskEd

Something remarkable happened today.End of story.

I thought it would be a good idea to go Orchard to look for the clothes that I'm going to wear to Dinner and Dance.I mean,or so I thought.Therefore I asked if Hui Kit and Kok Wei wanted to join me.Indeed,they were pals enough to accompany me.To my utter dismay though,Hui Kit was "fooling" around haha...He skipped all the Mens' section and went to irrelevant sections!!!Kok Wei was rather bored to tears,and hence I suggested going to arcade instead.Right then,both of them perked up!And so we did.

KOF again.I think I have lost the spark.The passion for it.My attention lies in somewhere else now.I believe I will drift away from KOF in time to come.It may be a good thing afterall,having been bugged by it for about 7 to 8 years.It made me regret for I was too addicted to it that time when I was in primary school,even in Primary 6 when I was supposed to prepare for the PSLE,I had to go to the arcade to play that game in order to kill the itch.Otherwise,I would not be spurred to do work nor study.AMAZING,or blatantly put,SHOCKING isn't it?I know many people wouldn't believe me when I tell them how a KOF freak I was.But never mind.All's past.I shan't talk much about the dreadful and saddening past.Have to move on with life here.

All I wish to say is,friends from KOF,I hope we will keep in contact though I may have to retreat from that arena.Perhaps we can do something else next time together.Or I can still play KOF with you,but not as often though.In the long run,I think it would benefit me as JC life would be hectic.I don't want to waste my 2 years in JC still fooling around and playing some games just to do injustice to my grades in school.Definitely I hope you would understand and empathise with my situation here.

Dinner and Dance is approaching soon.I have no idea what to buy,what to wear there.Rather looking forward to it,but somehow or other there's something telling me...Something.My gut feeling.NO idea what's what.When's when.How's how.Nonsensical crap.I am beginning to blabber irrational stuff here.My apologies.

Saw my cousin(from my father's side) at Toa Payoh MRT station topping up his EZ-link card.He looked rather tired.At first,he didn't notice me till he nearly bumped into me,and I mean literally.He then said hi and told me to call him again.Perhaps tomorrow.That's all today,MORE or LESS.

ConTemPLatE

Sorry for the delay in my posting.I was caught up with work and going out with my friends these two days.Had went to hand in the LEP form in temasek jc the day before and found to my horror that people applying for it are all from TOP SCHOOLS with whatever HIGH SCHOOL...like DUNMAN HIGH,ANGLICAN HIGH etc...Quite pressurized by it.Moreover,some students have raw scores of 6( which means A1 for all the subjects in L1R5)!!

Too many people vying for LEP in Temasek as it is the best in terms of its LEP programme.They grant you opportunities such as enabling you to take it at H3 level without many strict rules and conditions guarding it.As for yesterday,didn't really go out except for going out with my mother to my grandmother's.Stayed there till night before heading to Toa Payoh ENtertainment Centre's cinema to watch HArry Potter (once again) with my friend till 11.45pm.Walked my friend to the bus stop before I headed home.

Today itself was a moody one for me.Stayed home the whole day.Didn't do much except for going online and watching tv and chatting...Sorry for this boring post,I will update again next time.By the way,I chatted with Mrs Teo and that did lift up my mood a little! She told me never to have a fixed mindset about exams and for my future's exams,that is, and I am really grateful for her advice throughout the whole session...Hope everything's well for her.By the way,she expressed interest in joining our graduation cum Promotion night titled DINNER AND DANCE.However,no one's sent her an invitation yet.Gotta remind Suhaila to do so!!

Thanks a lot for all the support and I will continue to strive hard to keep this blog together! Anyway,I changed my first and second choice of JC already,eliminating HWA CHONG and putting 1st choice as Temasek Science and 2nd choice as Temasek Arts to guarantee or up my chances of getting in(as advised by Temasek's HOD of something..)!! Haha,I am really grateful for his help and I look forward to a new life there(should I be granted in)! I was told I am offered a cross combination and I am really happy as it is only offered to students who got L1R5 of 12 and below!! I am exhilarated as this would save me the dilemma of offering the variety of subjects I wish to take up.Furthermore,they also offer me up to 4 H2 (equivalent to 4 A levels) subjects too.I was told,though,that there are only 2 combinations awaiting me, which is namely :

1st) LEP Chinese at H2 and H3 level
English Literature at H2 and/or H3 level
Maths at H2 and/or H3 level
Chemistry at H2 and/or H3 level

2nd) LEP Chinese at H2 and H3 level
English Literature at H2 and/or H3 level
Maths at H2 and/or H3 level
Economics at H2 and/or H3 level

Which one to choose? I am lost.Contemplation in progress...Gotta think it through these few days...In any case,I am off to watch My Date with a Vampire III now.Nitez!

Apt act

I went to school to register my Provisional Admissions Exercise thingy.Here are my choices of schools,which I think is rather odd.Perhaps I want to change,but still mulling over it...
1st: Temasek
2nd: Hwa Chong Institution
3rd: Anglo-Chinese
4th: National
5th: Nanyang
6th: Victoria
7th: St. Andrews'
8tH: Anderson
9th: Meridian
10th: Catholic
11th: Pioneer
12th: Jurong

For your information,I took the Arts stream.However,I am unsure whether the subject combinations I want to take are accepted and offered by the schools and accepted as Arts stream subjects on the whole.I wish to take LEP chinese,English Literature,Economics,Maths and Chemistry.A rather morbid combination,which is why I am worrying.Not unduly though,for it could really be impossible to get what I want.All I can do is wish for the best.

Anyway,after selecting and submitting the online form,I headed for Temasek Junior College (my first choice) with my Higher Chinese classmate from Naval Base Secondary,Yibin(from China).We wanted to clear some doubts as well as retrieve the LEP application form (for me) and for her to hand in hers.To my dismay,I realised they needed relevant documents such as testimonials and copies of NRIC,exam slips/certs etc...What a nuisance!Which simply means I gotta head there tomorrow again...

Tomorrow is gonna be yet another busy day.I had hoped that I would be free.But now that I have to complete and gather all the information required and then hand in the LEP form before 4pm (time at which the application ceases to be accepted),I would be cooped with work the whole morning and noon.I still have to get my new spectacles which is ready by tomorrow too.Moreover,I want to attend the Singapore Poly open house!

Gotta sleep now.Drowsiness setting in...Forced myself to wake up to type this entry before I knock off.See you tomorrow(here I mean!)!!! By the way,my skin has changed,and do feel free to tag here! Special thanks to my skin EXECUTIVE XINNI!! MUAHAHAHA!! Really appreciate it!! THere's the harry potter music in the background too!!

Aptitude that makes a deal,a good one.

Do I?Or do I not?Have I the calibre and aptitude to survive and thrive in a competitive and challenging environment?As Mr Oon would say,of which he really did today,THERE ARE NO ENDS TO "WHAT IFS" in this world.There's no room for doubts,for uncertainty leads to indecisiveness.Miss Wong similarly quoted me as being a "worrier",rightly in some occasions.Miss Lim told me to try out National Junior College.The majority of top scorers,especially the sec 5s,are intending to head for St Andrew's Junior College.I am but a mess.

No one could put forth reasons nor provide validity that curbs my worries.Arts or Science stream?Humanities Elective Programme or Language Elective Programme (Chinese)?Subject Combination?Choice of schools,in term of order?

Tomorrow's the day when I have to get things clear.And I'm still undecided.If nothing goes wrong,I would place Temasek Junior College as my 1st choice and as for the rest...I'm seriously unsure.LEP matters to me,I think,more than HEP.

No barrier,no carrier.I would just see how it goes tomorrow...Was disheartened to find out that L1R5 score reflected does not include bonus points as of yet...quite disturbed by that.But L1R4 was lower than expected,with a score of 7.If only I could get that for my R5...

School was open for briefing today.I attended.Was tired.Asked some questions and decided that tomorrow I would register online in school.Which simply means my decision has to be made early.I have to be swift.I would have to be back in school at 8.30am tomorrow to start the registration.

Reached home and went out with my mother to get a pair of new spectacles.Wanted frameless but the optician warned that it would look too unsightly as my degrees exceed 700+,which simply means that the lens would be freaking thick! Dissuaded,I resigned and chose the latest framed design.HEll,the price was rather exorbitant! $171 for that pair of glasses with whatever multicode,reduced thin lens,UV ray protection etc...

Went back to bukit batok,changed home address to my new and current one, and took a bath.I rested after that.Then,my mother decided to play mahjong.I then headed home alone in a cab.Was online till then.Exchanged opinions with my friends and teachers about the JC admission and got a rough idea of what I am,where I am destined to head.

Hui Kit messaged me whilst I was watching the television show.He claimed he sent me the message earlier but I only received it just then! It was exasperating to realise that Toa Payoh's reception for Starhub networks are real bad.Pathetic.HE asked if I wanted him to come my house.I then invited him over and he stayed over.

Played poker cards after we ate at macdonalds in the central.Rather worn out today.Didn't have sufficient sleep.Gotta catch up with that! And as I am typing this,my dear friend Hui Kit is shaking his legs and still wide awake! Mind him,we went to the 7-11 in the midst of the night (mid-night) to satisfy his hunger and thirst.I doubt there was any use,as he had a blocked nose and was not able to detect the smell nor taste of the food and drinks.Alright,gotta go for now.Need sleep as tomorrow will be a long day.Good nightz!

GueSS aLL's LOsT..

Life = Losses. Sunken. Swollen. When you live, you lose.Many things.This struck home more apt than ever today. My family is in ruins,and there are many entangled relationships that affect me deeply.Immature adults,insensible brothers and outrageous life.Devoid of compassion,love,empathy and apathy.I am FED UP!!!
I really can't stand life as it is going now.I see nowhere.Nothing coming out of these mess.I see no future.Given a chance,I will leave here.But I can't part with my mother.However staying on here in this family would bring along an avalanche of problems which are depressing.Imagine facing a mother shouting and screaming day in and day out everytime she's at home.Most of the time,she just hogs the phone and becomes upset with that bloody apparition causing her to lose her cool.Mainly,she would spend most of her time out playing mahjong,and my younger brother would be out playing lan games and my elder brother who is adept at lavish spending,is in camp.No one would be at home.I lead a solitary life.With only a single voice to tell of a single soul.

Sometimes I wonder how I hung on to life.But I did.Time and again obstacles pitted itself right on my path.I always looked to the other side for rays of light in hope,but soon realised it was but a false facade to shake off the feeble and weakened self.Lousy attempts.I beared with shame,torture,awkwardness,embarrassment,anything.What good came out of it?Nothing.

Perhaps Life is just a tragedy.It may be meant to be a tragedy.All that were once possessed will leave you one by one, only to let you know that you had it once before.It was much more cruel that way,for people would have realised the ultimate anguish upon the loss.I lost my best friend in secondary 2 due to a dumb misunderstanding,only to gain another important friend which played a key role in my life later.Soon after,I lost him as I shifted house too.I can't help it can I ? It was NEVER my idea to shift house,but what can I do?We are always faced with difficult and hypocritical relatives (Whom we live with) and are forced to be on the move. It was rather saddening not because of the diluting of the before-concentrated friendship,but how the proposed solid friendship ended up in woebegone state merely due to the increasing of distances apart from one another.How apt...Something's lost when something's gained...and about how "friendship can withstand the test of time"..perhaps,perhaps not,I can't say for sure...but apparently with all that had happened to me,this had never held true.

I went and helped Jeremy today.And saw them through till their last paper.Am glad for them.Time flies.It won't be long before I forget most of them again...Memory does fade with time...as for me,mine fades when that person's remembrance of me fades...

I went home early after they went into the hall.Spent the whole day alone till night-time(as always).Nothing much to say about being alone at home except for having yourself in a depressed state(for having to face it everytime).At night,my mum called me out to watch The Exorcist.I hate to watch shows with her as she always suggest things when I am not free or not in the mood to do so...and when I do approach her when I'm alright,she will simply shoo me aside or give me an empty promise...Anyway as per normal,she fell asleep during the show.I watched it throughout and it was just average.No comments...

Am home now and deciding which jc I shall enter for 1st 3 months.The briefing is just tomorrow.Time is running out.Guys,if you have any recommendations,please tell me!! I really do not want to regret my choice as in my secondary school anymore...Please do provide advice on which jc to go...thanks! And by the way,to make a more informed choice and to have a rough idea so as to help give me advice,my L1R5 for prelims is 10...Thanks!!

SoLiTuDe

Have been enduring nightmares the past few days.THerefore my sleep was deprived.I awoke energy drained outta me.Guessed the nightmares took its toll on me.My mum took us to the Toa Payoh Bus Interchange to pay for water bills and stuff.I figured it was a good way to familiarise myself with the new surroundings too(as I have not been going to TPY for ages!) therefore I accompanied her.After which,I was feeling rather moody and decided to go Orchard on my own.I wandered around there for a good 3 hours,stopping by Sony Gallery,Takashimaya Centre etc..and I really can't remember what I did.Was feeling quite down...and no one wanted to accompany me so I went alone.Felt quite empty within.Depressed.I ended up in SingTel Hello Store and met by chance,someone whom I have not seen for years...a HP arena friend.We chatted about the old times and he left rather indiscriminately with a colleague in a hurry,forgetting me.I then left the place and visited Plaza Singapura.After a few boring KOF games where someone challenged me and I won 5 times in KOF 2k2.I left the place.Once I reached Toa Payoh,I decided to tour and explore the place myself.Cooped myself in Toa Payoh Library(where the compound is quite huge,somewhat like Woodlands Library) where I read some magazines and books.Borrowed 4 books home- The Pearl Harbor Murders,The Frozen Deep,I-Spy and The Four Feathers.Saw that the library had a 8 books promotion this holidays but I ain't that ambitious.Feeling rather down today.Life seems to be putting itself against me.I have to fight back.And I am coming up with a strategy to do so.Came back home alone and spent the evening online...Chatted with some people on msn and am quite tired now.Called Mr Oon and spoke to Mrs Ong too...she's leaving for ACS Barker next year..Bade farewell(wondered if she heard it) and then she hung up.Gotta wake up tomorrow morning and go sun plaza macdonalds' to help my sec 5 friend Jeremy in his combined science...Tomorrow's their last paper...All the best yeah! cHowZ..

GiVeN uP...

Detestable crap.I really can't see why so many people actually looked to him as a friend when he is so hypocritical and snobbish.There's this guy who made my day lousy.With the pot calling the kettle black,he claimed things that I do when he was the one doing it! Haiz..it's actually an arcade guy at sun plaza whom I have grown to dislike due to his sucky attitude.
Today was hectic.I just shifted to Toa payoh and had to unpack many stuff.Threw away many of my books,especially,Chinese,Higher Chinese,Amaths and Emaths books...haha...don't really want to see them anymore...
Quite tired now as I'm watching Vampire III...In the afternoon I met Pearline to help transfer songs into her New Ipod Photo using my laptop, as she is flying off to Canada soon and needs the music on.Saw Malcolm with her and I guess the rest is history...haha.After which Eugene arranged to pass me an invitation card about a workshop to make the most out of my life...And though I am puzzled,I will try to go.
Soon after,junqi messaged to ask me whether I want to join him in watching Harry Potter.I agreed and we went.It was hilarious * yeah * and exciting!
Haiz...went home and decided that I wouldn't join in the class chalet tomorrow,as it is not working as it would have been anymore...NOT A CLASS graduation thing anymore...and i'm quite sad by it...They are actually breaking into cliques and doing it their own way...Guess I can't have any more faith in sec school classmates and friends anymore...Learnt a real lesson..
I always wish for a true friendship that can withstand the test of time,but guess I will have to go on waiting...Nightz all!

saDisTic ceLebrATion of O Levels...whaT a daY!

Before I know,it's a few more minutes to TOMORROW.The day when I will be moving house.Again.No choice...I'm moving to Toa Payoh folks! If you have time look me up there! It's a bit run-down and old,but I have lived there before (ironic isn't it?to be back in the same place again...) and know of the friendly neighbourhood atmosphere and close bonding between neighbours and people living there...It is gonna be an exhilarating and challenging ride yet again.I know I have to adapt,no matter what.So I will do just that.
Well,my day started today with me waking up with 'horror' dawning upon me, for it was 9am! Supposedly I had to meet jeremy and nadzir for our band practice,and I was freaking late as the supposed meeting time was at 9am in SEMBAWANG! For goodness sake,the bloody ride from Bukit Batok is more than enough to make them wait for an hour or half! I apologised to them and rushed off straight. We practised and discussed a little something( confidential) before deciding to go to the arcade to practise our drumming skills. This is our first meeting, and our band's name ain't finalised yet.Concrete planning is needed and I am supposedly the one keeping things together...Haiz...Gonna have a busy month with all the chalets and meetings and gatherings and graduation stuff together with band meetings...But I know it will be a memorable and fun-filled one!Haha,by the way,if you can think of any names for us,do keep me informed! We are nadzir,alex,and jeremy,if that helps at all!
After the dismissal of the meeting,I went to the arcade (sun plaza) and saw Soon Yong and Hafiz (4e3) and his brother. Played KOF and challenged them...Really owe KOF a lot! My skills had rusted so much! My other characters except for Leona were pretty shaky and weak and suffered some defeats to my disciple,KIT KIT...but he did improve la...Really happy for him for i knew it was his wish.
Thereafter, I sauntered to the mrt station and awaited kok wei and nelson's arrival.Dismayed after a long wait,I headed back to the arcade where Jason and Bill were in.Kok wei and nelson arrived soon after and we left for HMV and plaza singapura's arcade.
I left alone while Kok wei they all were still playing KOF XI (which I have not seen before only but till today!),heading for Sembawang mrt station where i Met Hui Kit...and then we went together to meet Gary at Causeway Point...WHERE HE PROMISED TO TREAT us for Celebration of HAVING O LEVELS AND N LEVELS DONE WITH!! THANKS GARY!!!! He is such a good friend which I will cherish forever,together with HUI kiT...Although both of them always gang up to bully me!! HAHA,for instance,when we were eating the bbq stuff...Gary suggested playing 4 feet!! I denied but HUI kIT was game for it...Oh my goodness! I was bloody unlucky and ended up downing weird odd stuff which upsetted my stomach...like salty sourish shitty smelling vegetables and super GReENY wassabe with sushi by GARY...OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! It was damn agonising..but well,it's over!!
Now I'm at home,resting and preparing for a new life tomorrow(packing my stuff to move).After I shift house.Hope that life will change for the better.As I always do...Perhaps won't be blogging tomorrow as they will have to take some time to reconnect my internet access and modem in the new house...TIll then,peace out!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is so BLOODY OVER...fly fly FLY!

Unfettered.Free. Everything is over. 4 years of agony facing my wrong choice of secondary school. I know I shouldn't say this as some of you out there are passionate Canberrans,but...what the hell... Life really sucked to me.In that school. Students make up the school,and it is predominantly them who made my life suck. Well,everything's over. O levels OVER.. WOOOAAAHHH!!! I know I didn't give my best but there's no point looking back now...They have the papers which will be flown over soon to UK. I must look forward to Life after the major exams..and I haven't quite decided what I want to do yet. I have planned to go out with friends and make more friends or know some of my friends better,but unsure whether they will be free or not. Here's my blog's first entry,and hey,it's a prime way to practise English! Think I will start off by going to church and arcade the very first thing tomorrow>..< O LEVELS....HAHAHAHA!!! A BIG WORD which daunted me.Now I really can't believe it's over...I didn't do TYS for most of my subjects...REALLY HOPE against Hope I can fairly make it to JC...no matter what. FOLKS out there, HELLO! I just joined the blogging arena. Do add me and look out for me!! I will be visiting many of your blogs too! Right now, I need to get myself geared up. FOR HOLIDAYS!!! BYE!!!